Cams Random Thoughts

Surfing in the Hurricanes

2010-08-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

As many of you know I have recently resigned from my position as the Youth Director at Eastridge. This was easily one of the most difficult decisions that my family and myself have had to make to date. Working with the church in the youth position is easily the most rewarding job that I have had to date. Having such a young family often made the commitments to my job very difficult for us as a family. When we sat down and wrote out all the pros and cons of me staying at Eastridge or leaving they came out dead even every time (well almost every time J) and trust me we made that list several times. Finally a decision had to be made and I truly felt that God was calling me to step out of the way for someone else to step in. I continue to have high hopes for the program at Eastridge and feel that the leadership in place can move mountains if needed.

That being said, I am now officially unemployed. Unemployed…. One word that when you hear it on the news or read it in the paper you typically skim over it and move on. Then I realize that I have willingly quit my job and am now unemployed… My initial “plan” when I resigned from Eastridge was to go back to teaching and once things settled down for our family possibly head back to school. Once again, things change, four months after applying with our local school district I had nothing…. No calls no interviews and no prospects. So I interviewed to mow lawns, I applied at target, I applied for jobs at various agencies in town and still nothing. Unemployed this is now a word that I am all too familiar with.

On my last official day as the youth director at Eastridge I was given an opportunity that I had been wanting for two years. I was getting the pulpit, not just a moment for mission or a quick sermonette about our summer but a full Sunday, 20 minuets (or 30 J) to take a message to the congregation. Ever since my last post about Peter that whole concept of riding the waves and the storms of life has been weighing on me heavily. I felt that this was the same message that God wanted me to pass onto the congregation. My whole sermon boiled down to the fact that we need to focus more on what’s happening in the storm and less on the frantic fight to get out of it.

I am happy, I am happier, more relaxed and feeling really good about things for the fist time in several years. I have reached the point where I am growing and learning while I go through this storm rather than trying to fight the waves and get out fast. In doing this I have realized that I have an opportunity to chase a dream right now, In just under two months I will be trying out for the police academy again, this time as a very different person then I was two years ago when I tried last. I have realized that until I get in to the academy, I plan on subbing in the schools. All of these things have added up to me seeing the beauty of this storm, our family is enjoying meals together again, better yet we have the opportunity to worship together again, my relationship with my wife is growing stronger and stronger everyday. I am back on a healthy diet and exercising again. My entire lifestyle overall is just in a better place and I thank God for it. All of it, the good the bad and the ugly!

Overall I think that the most rewarding part of this entire storm has been the fact that God gave me a message to preach on that I was living, a topic that I could be open and honest about and a message that was relevant in my life. So overall I am enjoying the ups and downs of this storm, knowing that I have turned it over to God and I am excited to see where we come ashore, but for now its fun to look back and connect the dots to see what God has already brought us through.

Need A Hand?

2010-05-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

Can you imagine what must have been going through Peter’s mind after he stepped out onto that lake? No not the amazement of not sinking, and the feeling of power from walking towards Christ on top of the waters surface. No not the fear of impending doom when he realized that the solid surface that had once held him upright was all of a sudden just simply gone. No I am speaking of the thoughts racing through Peters head as he reached for Christ’s outstretched hand. Will he reach me? Will he pull me to safety? Do I deserve to be returned to safety of the boat?

I have had this thought filling my head for the past few days, the thought that my life is in many ways similar to Peter’s. I have recently taken a giant step out of my boat. Two years ago I had a major change in what my boat was. I had a stable reliable job that had me home by 4:30 most nights and work on the weekends consisted of honey dos and caring way too much about how the yard looked. Then I decided I needed a change, after my initial plans did not pan out I found an opening at the church that I grew up in. I got into it thinking that it would be a paycheck and not much else. It was on a middle school retreat that I finally looked up in time to see that Christ was still standing there with his hand open and waiting for me to call out to him and take the salvation that I had left behind.

I have now stepped out of another boat. And the initial steps felt fantastic, I was following what I needed to do, I was doing what was best and it felt great. I was ready for the next challenge that was in store for me. Now I suddenly feel the wind picking up and the waves growing in intensity. I can’t help but wonder if I will again be grasping for the out stretched hand waiting for me.

It is in the chaos of the waves that the wind that I am able to hear the voice calling out to me. At first I am way more wiling to focus only on the crash of the waves all around me but soon what I heard only as a whisper at first turns to a calling and I know that as soon as I am ready to stand up and walk on the water that Christ is offering he will be there to walk with me.

So for now, until I am willing to take the hand extended to me I can only hope that soon the sound of waves will once again be silenced and I will be on the shore, warm and dry praising miracles.

Epiphany ...Sort of

2009-10-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

Wait I have a blog? What’s a blog? Oh right I think that I remember writing a few things down on here! Well as you can see I am not great at keeping up on here and posting things frequently! I have colleges who are awesome at it and post stuff all the time. I am just not always that motivated! So here is another post, I think that it has been almost a year! Ok maybe not quite!

One of the reasons that I got the bug to get here today is because of how I have been feeling recently. I feel like I have been totally lost and completely disconnected from my actual purpose. I am starting off my second year here at Eastridge and feel like it is all uphill from here! This year has been completely nuts and we are only a few months in, what’s sad is that with each passing day I feel like I am still missing the point. I am at my point of reflection once again, I have not stopped to refuel recently and have officially hit empty! But its more than that, people around me are noticing my attitude changing, noticing me losing grace and showing frustration. It’s a very dangerous position that I have landed in, no check that, that I have placed myself in. I have been so focused on pointing finger and making excuses and really just searching for things in others that I can “fix” rather than realizing how broken I am. I have become hardened like the Pharisees because of fear; I am scared to address my own sin. I am worried that it will make me less of a leader, less of a Christian, or that I will let my students down.

Then I realized that I am a huge disappointment to everyone in my life, not because I am broken but because I refuse to address the fact that I am broken. By not addressing my own faults I am turning my back on Christ and I am ignoring my convictions. I have preached and preached on how we are all sinners and on how beautiful it is that we have a savior that died for us because we are broken, and yet I have chosen to simply give my faith lip service. I am not intending to say that I have lost my faith and am forever lost! I have just realized how far from Christ I have truly been recently. I think that realizing that its one thing for me to say that I am doing fine and that I am growing, but entirely another to mean all that . It means for me that I need to not just take my day off but to also find a way to commit time to growth during my day off, so maybe turn my day off into more of a “day on” for my growth. The beautiful thing about all of this is that our entire existence is only possible because our creator realized that we are all broken. I kind of got a slap in that face while reading awhile back, Brennan Manning’s newest book The Furious Longing of God served as a wakeup call for me, especially this passage

“If we continue to view ourselves as moral lepers and spiritual failures, if our lives are shadowed by low self-esteem, shame, remorse, unhealthy guilt, and self hatred, we reject the teachings of Jesus and cling to our negative self image”

In denying that we are all broken we are denying the fact that Christ had to die to save us, effectively denying the need for Christ at all quite frankly I have realized that I am not willing to accept that. I am broken, and I am a sinner, and I love Christ, so in my time and in my repentance I am forgiven.

God I pray that you would forgive the sins that I have committed, help me to be strong and to resist evil ways. I praise you for all the blessings in my life and I thank you for your son who died to save the broken.

Like usual I am sure that there are several spelling and grammatical errors, I don’t blog to keep my high school English teachers happy! Please feel free to post any corrections that I should make! J

Holy Frustration!!!

2009-04-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

Holy Frustration!!!

I am not sure what my obsession is for PUNS but I seam to enjoy them, so much so that I often create ones that make little to no sense to others. This one is pretty straightforward…

I sit here typing with a pounding headache and a mound of other things that I should be doing. Many of them the reason for the title of this post. This has been possible the worst month I have had in long time and easily the worst that I have had since re-committing life to Christ!

I thought we weren’t supposed to have bad days! After all we are Christians right? Christ loves us and we do good things, so good things should happen for us. Right?

This has become the way that many of us are living, we only approach the issues that make us feel good we only talk about the stuff that makes us happy and warm on the inside. We only bring up the positive side of Christ, the side that brought all nations together and healed the ill and gave sight to the blind. What about the Jesus that took on the religious leaders of his time? What about the Jesus that challenged the people that were ruling in his time, calling them Vipers and Pharisees? Should we simply sit back and pretend that these people don’t exist in our current church? Should we simply ignore the things that people say and do and then come to church on Sunday and claim to have it all together? Should we not be reaching out to these people and calling them out, telling them that we see what they put on facebook and we notice how they snicker and gossip about each other? What if we were to call each other out and say “hey you are screwin up!” and then offer a path to salvation. Offer something much more satisfying for the void that they are trying to fill. But is hasn’t always been like this, It hasn’t always been so hard, remember when we were young? We loved God and trusted Christ and everything was easy!

So why do we end up living this way? Why is it that as young kids we follow blindly and simply understand that Christ loves us and is there for us? Is it because we don’t know what “real life” is like? We don’t have the pressures of work and money, or families, marriage and divorce? Alcohol and drugs? Porn, sex and temptation? But if that’s the case then why do we change? At what point in life do we simply stop trusting and start denying? Is it when we hit puberty? Suddenly we realize how terrible the world is loose hope?

Or could it be that, maybe we start to fold to the growing pressures from society and our families to participate in every sport and activity possible to strive to be at the top of our class and get all A’s and soon the main focus of our lives is no longer Christ, its making the team or the honor role or getting into the best school or getting the most scholarship offers. And then it starts all over, to be the best so that maybe we can play professionally, or get the best grades so that you can get the best job and make the most money so you can have the best car and the biggest house with the happiest family.

We live in a world that wants to shelter out youth as much as possible and keep all the bad things away from them. But at the same time we value things like grades and school activities and sports more then a connection with God. Don’t get me wrong I think that a balanced individual is the best and being involved in school and getting good grades is great, but since when do we allow our kids sports teams to dictate our Sundays? Since when do we value a starting spot on the team more then a place in salvation?

And then at the same time when things go wrong and our kids make dumb decisions and get hurt or into trouble who do we question fist? Christ! The Church! The very people that we were denying,

Yes it is true that our students will make mistakes and will fall down but who will be there to pick them up when they fall? Their coach, their teacher, their friends?

Maybe its time that we start re-evaluating that starting position, that SAT score or that college offer and maybe its time to have a little more faith in the fact that God already has a plan for us and maybe, just maybe if we took a little time to slow down and listen it all might be a little more clear.

New Post, New Year, New Outlook?

2009-04-14T08:16:00.001-07:00

So first post December 11th... its now January 6th I figured I should post something new before it got to be a full month! so here it is.

I realized that in my first post I neglected to mention anything about my family. I am very fortunate to have the people in my life that I do. I convinced a very smart and very beautiful woman that I too was smart and beautiful and she bought it! So after she married me and found out that I was not smart, but she stuck with me and together we have made a terrific family. & months ago the newest addition to our family was added our beautiful daughter Nolynn, she has her mothers looks but her fathers sense of humor! I am sure that the old saying of what "goes around comes around" will soon be a large part of my life!

So there's a little about the fam, now lets move onto the topic at hand...

The holiday season, we started with the family festivities the day before Christmas eve. we are still not done! out last party is scheduled for the 10th of January so we are all growing a little tired of the holiday spirit. One of my youth group kids on Sunday commented on how the people at the parties and gatherings are less and less in the holiday spirit the further from Christmas that we get. Its so true, it seems that once Christmas has pasted then we go back to the normal run of the mill day to day folks that we were before. What is it about this time of year that makes even non-Christians seem brighter and more welcoming? Why is it that we struggle so much with trying to live our day to day lives like we do during Christmas? In fact I would venture out to say that we are almost act more like non-Christians after the holidays then we would like to admit. We are all tired, we all have to go back to work or school, and often we are simply tired of being social. So we go back to the grinder and isolate ourselves from social interaction. So here's my rushed finish, I challenge myself and you to take up a new outlook, make a new years commitment to show others what it's like to hold onto the Christmas feelings. What its like to live with Christ, I know it all sound cheesy and very evangelical but give it a shot. It just might make a difference.

Here Goes!

2009-04-14T08:15:00.001-07:00

Alrighty,
I have finally decided to enter the world of blogging. I figured that enough people ignore me in person so why not put it out there for everyone to read! Considering how long it took me to simply come up with a title for my blog and "Random Thoughts" was the best that I came up with, this could turn out to be a fairly tenuous process! Regardless hear goes...
For those of you who may not know I have recently started a new job, I started my "adult life" working as a teacher, I learned an insurmountably amount during the incredibly short stint in the world of academia but I also learned that I had lost the ambition and the passion to continue on in that field. So about midway through my second year of teaching I decided to attempt to follow a lifelong dream of being a Police Officer, after several months of training and about 60 pounds lighter I tried out for the Lincoln Police Department. Due to poor choices in my past I made it as far as I could before I was turned down, Lesson 1. Rejection Sucks! So three months later I tried out again, Made it all the way through to the interview process again, however this time I was no longer receiving a paycheck from the schools so I needed a little help, My Mom, Mickey reminded me that there was still an opening at the church that I grew up in, "You would be a great youth director" So reluctantly I agreed to go in and interview to be considered for the job on an interim basis, I was still holding out for a badge! Well bottom line I was able to trick the search committee into hiring me on a interim basis, just until they found someone that would be a match for the program. I very quickly learned that the search committee was not really in control of who that person would be. I kind of thought that this might have been the right place for me but I was ignoring Gods call for me to stay, about two months into my interim position I took my middle school group up to a local Camp, this experience came to be probably one of the most moving spiritual events of my life. While on this retreat I realized that for the majority of my life I had been fighting with God about who I was and what I was doing with my life.
Side Note 1. - For those of you not familiar with God, he's fairly strong.
After this retreat, I returned home and and had a very long chat with my incredibly supportive, beautiful, wife Julie. We decided that this was the right place for me to be and that it would be a good place for me to be for our family. So here I am, I have been at Eastridge since August and I am truly in a good place. I took me a while to let go of my life and let God guide me but now that I have I feel him at work every day and i feel that I am truly blessed to have the opportunity to serve others everyday.

So, Theres Numero Uno, more to come (maybe) soon, please feel free to point out all the typos and grammar mistakes.

God is Good!

Peace,
cam